"I'm sick and tired of being.. sick and tired"

Even now I can smell your clothes

Freshly from the wash,

Still hot from the dryer.

Even now I can smell your skin

As I wrap you in a towel,

Lay you on the bed,

and try to love you

Even now I can feel your arms.

I can hear your songs.

And I always can find you again.

Even now I can feel your hand

Gently over mine,

With almost no weight at all.

Even now I can feel your eyes.

Watch me as I strum

Much too late at night.

Even now I can see you smile.

I can hear you hum.I can hear you sing.

And I always can find you again.

Even in the dark of night.

Even in the lowest light.

Even as the world outside is spinning, And spinning

Even now I can feel your hair

Blow across my cheek

As we sit in one of two chairs.

Even now I can feel you face

Resting on my chest,

Wrestling for sleep and failing at it.

Even now I can see you sleep.

I can see you dream.I can see you fly.

And I always can find you again.

And I always can find you again.

----

Is it always going to be this hard? Getting over your first.. the one you thought you'd love forever and always. The one you thought you'd marry. Will he always be in the back of my mind.. will I always have nights where I just cry and cry cause I can't protect him or help him or hold him when things are bad anymore. He won't listen.. to anyone. I thought we'd be each others number ones for life... but his number one became something utterly discusting and pathetic.. and now I sit. and pray to God, he'll realize how much I love him soon before all my patience and desire goes away. I just want to help him.....................but I can't be his "friend".. its too hard falling in love with someone all over again.. when they aren't feeling the same cause they are too high to fucking get it.

---

I know I know, you're probably thinking "get over it kirstie". But I don't care anymore. I can't hide behind a wall forever. And I don't care what anyone thinks of me. I lost my love and my best friend. I don't even know who to talk to about anything in my life. God....

---

Enoughs enough. Today was shitty......... apparently. I work with catty bitches. LIKE HIGHSCHOOL. I like two people I work with and ones the freaking manager.

This girl literally got pissed tonight because I am the "new girl" and I was bussing tables faster then her. GET OVER IT, and move your ass. Seriously what the f*ck.

I am new, therefore I've been more than nice to everyone and I worked really hard tonight cause we were really busy. Bruce (our manager) kept stopping me and saying "seriously Kirstie you're doing very good.. keep it up".. then this BITCH decides to run her mouth about how I'm bussing all the tables. DOn't complain IDIOT.. YOU BARELY DID SHIT. ugh.. wow. Then when I asked her to grab the next few she says, "eh I don't really feel like it".. EH OK.

I'm seriously nice to everyone I work with and I'm really friendly with everyone.. so whats the reason to talk shit about someone YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.. really????

wooow.. can you tell how my days been????

---

I'm "dogsitting" for my rents this wknd while their in the burgh doing taxes shit. I miss them. They know how to fix everything. :( So anyways, I come home from work tonight ready to sit down and do hw... and what do you know? I DON'T GET IT. Whatever........

I need to quit complaining. Things are coming around for me.. I'm doing good in school (now that chem is out of the freakin way), I have a job where at least my managers like me, and I have the greatest friends. So what the hells my problem???

---

I need Oscar at times like these.......................

Well if you actually sat through all this bitching.. thanks. and congrats: you know my boring life.

ciao

te amo muchisimo oscar de jesus melo sandoval.